Polly Want a Cracker
by Car
Summary: England learns the hard way that keeping a bird that mimics sounds in his bedroom is probably not the best idea in the world. USUK


"Smart choice asking the _hero_ to help, England! I don't think your frail old bones would be able to handle such a bout of physical strength!"

"Belt up and get your arse in here, would you?" England grumbled to himself, propping his bedroom door open with an old wooden doorstop. "I would _like_ to have the chest of drawers out with the rubbish bin by the time the dustman arrives."

America blinked. "Dude. That sentience. So British."

England rolled his eyes. "Well done, lad. Considering _I am_ the United Kingdom, that would make sense, wouldn't it?"

America simply laughed, wandering around England's bedroom like he owned the place. "Bro, you gotta talk to Sweden about getting some new furniture. Seriously, I think I saw half of this stuff in a museum last weekend."

"My furniture is perfectly fine, thank y-"

"Awww! Birdie!"

England scoffed as America sprinted across the room, skidding to a halt in front of an old golden birdcage, suspended by the ceiling with a simple gold chain. The scarlet macaw inside tilted it's head curiously at it's new visitor.

"When did you get a parrot, England? He's so cute!" He wiggled his finger in front of it's face. "Hey there little guy! Who's a pretty bird? _Who's a pretty bird?_"

"I've had _her_," England emphasized the feminine pronoun, "for about...oh, what would you say, Ophelia? Twenty years now?"

America chuckled. "Really England? You named her Ophelia?"

England flushed. "It's a lovely name."

"Whatever you say. How did I not know you had her for twenty years?"

"Because you are rarely ever in my bedroom, thank God." England carefully pulled the lock from the large door of the cage, causing Ophelia to flap her wings in response. "There, there, love. I've got you." With a small squawk, the bird hopped easily onto England's arm. He smiled and slowly eased his arm from the cage. "There we are. Go on and say hello, pet."

"_Squawk!_ Hello, hello!"

America was practically glowing with excitement. "She _talks_? That's so cool, England!" Carefully, he ran a finger along her back. The bird shook and poofed up a little in response, but eventually closed her eyes in contentment. "Hey, I think she likes me!"

"She's very affectionate," England explained proudly. Ophelia let out a small chirp, and twisted her head to nibble softly at America's fingers. The younger nation laughed in response.

"Think I can hold her?" He asked excitedly.

England furrowed his brow. "I suppose... I do need to clear my things off of the chest of drawers before we can take it out, so I guess it would be fine for a few moments. Just don't let her fly off!"

"I wont, I wont!" The younger nation grinned as England urged the bird onto his outstretched arm. Ophelia squawked and flapped her wings, but calmed down and nibbled at America's thumb once she was settled. "Why hey there, little lady!" he laughed. "You _are_ a pretty bird, aren't cha?"

"_Sqwa_- pretty bird! Pretty bird!"

"Haha! So cool!"

England shook his head and smiled fondly as he crossed back across the room to get to work on his dresser. He could definitely understand why America was so taken with his bird; they were beautiful, intelligent creatures, and honestly probably the best pet he could think of for a nation. For one thing, the average macaw usually lived to be around eighty years old, which was very convenient for someone who lived thousands of years.

He discovered his love of the animals when he was much, much younger and had owned quite a few since then. He smiled to himself, it was one of those habits from his pirating days that he just couldn't bring himself to break.

"Am-er-i-ca. Am-er-i-ca. Come on, Ophelia, you can do it. Am-er-i-ca."

"Ophelia!" The bird chirped. "Squawk_! _Ophelia! Pretty bird!"

England chuckled, peaking at the other nation over his shoulder. "It takes a while for her to learn a word, lad. You have to repeat it for a while." He turned back to his work as America humphed in irritation behind him.

"Just you wait, dude. A hero never gives up that easily! Come on, Am-er-i-ca. Am-er-i-ca."

"_Squaw-_ Ameri-America!"

"Ha! See! I did it!"

England sputtered, spinning around and pointing accusingly. "How the-! What did you-? _How_?"

America beamed arrogantly. "I told you I would get her to say it! I'm so awesome."

England scoffed and continued his cleaning, trying his best to ignore the nonsense going on behind him.

"Come on, say it again!" America urged. "Am-er-i-ca."

"America!" Ophelia cawed. "Oh, America!"

The nation laughed. "She's getting really good at that."

"Americaa! Oh yes, _Squaw-_America!"

"Uh..."

"Harder! Yes America! Yes! _Squawk!"_

The crash of one of England's precious knick-knacks falling to the floor was the only warning America and Ophelia had before England all but flew across the room, clutched the bird into his arms and threw his hand over the animal's beak.

His face a violent red, the older nation cried out in horror, "SHUT UP YOU SODDING GIT!"

The bird flapped around in England's embrace, biting his index finger. She was released with a yelp, and flew directly onto the now smirking America's shoulder.

"So, England," America drawled, scratching Ophelia's neck with a teasing and seductive grin. "What was it you said about having to repeat something a lot before she learned it?"

England's face flushed even darker, swearing to himself he was officially a cat person from that day forward.

* * *

><p><strong>I've had this idea in my head for a while, and I woke up this morning with the overwhelming urge to finally write it, so I went with it. XD I love birds. When I was a kid, I had two adorable little budgies, and they were awesome. They never learned to talk though, but they were still awesome!<strong>

**Fun fact! Pirates did actually have parrots! They would get exotic animals from the places they visited, and loved parrots because they were colorful, intelligent and could talk. Hence my headcannon that England likes them. **

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed! I probably had waaay too much fun writing it. XD Don't forget to review!**


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